My cousin is in the tourism industry and has managed to drag me along to Antalya, on the southern coast of Turkey, due to some business he has here with some Kuwaitis. The flight took us about an hour and we landed yesterday evening, after many delays. Courtesy of the Turkish ministry of tourism I am now staying at a deluxe resort in one of the king size suites till tomorrow evening. Whilst my cousin went around his meetings today, I took the liberty of exploring the place and making use of the facilities. It is very difficult for somebody like me to feel at ease in a place like this, it is far too luxurious and extravagant for my taste, there is something about it which makes me uncomfortable. I think earlier today, I realised why that was the case.
I think Man is always striving to recreate his vision of paradise on earth. At lunch today, I had tender birds meat, all the fruit I could want, and beautiful water lapping gently underneath my feet as I sat in the shade to cool myself from the sun. At the same time, I am constantly reminded of how stunning Russian women can look, I am literally surrounded by leggy, slim and busty beauties. Unlike the boorish women in England and America, there are thankfully much less of those hideous tattoos that are so fashionable - and which make me feel so nauseous - to see. At the same time, the Qur'anic parallel's could not be more striking in my mind as I looked around myself in disbelief. Somehow, this is all not real, as if I was eating sand, and watching the walking dead. In this world there is nothing that is permanent and we should always remind ourselves of this fact, I think I understood today that what will make paradise so beautiful is not all that surrounds those fortunate enough to make it there, but the beauty of those who are there. Wonderful souls that deserve to be there because of all they endured or strived for. Around me I only saw ugly people stuffing their faces - I think that seems a bit extreme now that I re-read what I've written, but I suppose the temptations and enticements surrounding me are themselves extreme, so if I vent off a little here to keep things in perspective then maybe I can be forgiven. Whilst I say what I just have, I act as if it is the most natural thing in the world for me to be here and quickly strike a rapport with whichever beauty I happen to be sharing a jazuzzi or sauna with - truly what a strange situation I find myself in.
I have never felt as lonely and as far away from Allah as I do here, in this place...
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