Some nights I wake up with a start and I realise I had seen you in a dream again. Always a presence though, as if you are veiled from my sight. At the precise moment when I am to see you again something happens. Even if I could turn back time, would I? Am I even the same person? Are you?

I decided to lock up the beautiful Andalusian memories in a small damascene mother of pearl box in my mind. There is nothing physical I can keep though, that has all gone. Only the memory of your name, cried out long ago upon ears that have since stopped listening. Did you even exist?

When the world is dark around me I open that little box just a little bit, and the sunshine dances on my face as I peer inside it, a gentle smile on my face. It caresses the stubble on my chin the way you once did, and gentle words remind me that I am a good man. I tenderly close the box and put it back in. I have a long journey ahead of me...

.

يا مصر قومي

"Oh Egypt arise" sung by the late Sheikh Imam. When will you wake up Egypt? When will you get angry and overthrow Pharaoh? We need you...

.

On Obama and Blair

I feel I must say something about two recent events which have been causing quite a stir. The first is a clip on Youtube where a courageous Arab student in the United States challenged Obama on why he continues to support the Israeli state. His answer in the video clip is clear. He unequivocally supports the Israelis, end of discussion. The second is the "interrogation" of Tony Blair about the Iraq war inquiry.

In both of these recent events, people are holding up the words of these two leaders as examples of "hypocrisy". They linger on every word Blair will utter in the (currently ongoing) interview and then shriek with delight when he drops them another quote they can sarcastically distribute. This is all ridiculous.

Most of my criticism is directed against these people rather than Tony Blair or Obama. I know that these two men support Israel to the hilt, and I know they don't like Arabs or Muslims, as do the majority of American or British people. But at least I know where they stand, that's fine. So do I. To behave the way some people are doing, sarcastically quoting Obama or sneering at Blair on TV for his "hypocrisy" or lies, is to follow a narrow and very naive view of the world and of politics. You do not blame a fox for being a fox, or a lion for being a lion. If they are hungry they will eat your chickens, or they will eat you. What the so-called leftists and progressive movements are doing in many Western countries is effectively asking the lion to only eat sushi or to be a vegetarian. This view is now implanting itself in the newly emerging so-called Arab civil society.

There is a name for this view, in fact there is even a film which expresses it. A cartoon called Madagascar. Yes, a cartoon. Because this is the approach to politics and the world that many activists and progressives approach the world from. They are children who have been given some clever books to read at school and think that qualifies them to go out to the world and make it a better place. Yet they can barely walk before trying to run. They buy all the revolutionary paraphernelia, the obligatory Che Guevara poster, and the Arabic sulok. The sulok is the Syrian name for what is popularly known as a kuffiyeh. Many of these people will think it is Palestinian, because it has been popularised by them, that's if they even know it is Palestinian and haven't just imitated fashion. This group of people includes many Arabs, particularly those who can't speak Arabic whether they live in the Middle East or not.

In Syria, the only people who wear a sulok (kuffiyeh) are labourers, farmers and peasants. "Excellent" I hear the leftists say, they now have an addition to the uniform different from the Communist-party style khaki or dark blue plain suits or combat gear. But the Soviets or the Chinese communists were never worried about what 'look' they had, the Palestinian fighters wore the kuffiyeh because that was just what they wore. Because many of them were farmers, labourers or peasants. Today there are many farmers, labourers or peasants who wear jeans, old t-shirts with brands names on them, and trainers. But no self-respecting "radical" revolutionary will be seen wearing anything like that. No, they have all the essentials for the revolutionary, they even have arm bands and colour coordinated media campaigns (the latest of which is the joke which is Iran's "Green" revolution), but you don't see them wearing fake Tommy Hilfiger t-shirts, their dodgy made in China Sceetchers (instead of Sketchers) or perhaps the garish and ostentatious Versace imitations with matching cheap jeans. So I guess not all the downtrodden are worthy of imitation. We can only be in solidarity with them when they dress cool.

Ex-Soviet t-shirts with CCCP are now retro-fashion. Red stars on green military style jackets. Kuffiyeh's and Palestinian flag armbands, more Che Guevara paraphernelia, maybe a copy of Das Kapital or the Communist Manifesto. These are the people who want to free the world today, just as soon as the high from their marijuana fades away and their hangover clears up. Pathetic.

.

Britain and the United States defeated in Afghanistan

The year is 2010 and it has been almost nine years since the United States and her allies invaded Afghanistan searching for that elusive mastermind of the September 11 attacks. It was supposed to be different, righteous and it was supposed to bring change to Afghanistan permanently. Instead we see today a defeat that nobody will acknowledge. As John Kennedy once said, "Victory has a thousand fathers but defeat is an orphan". Today we have an article in the Guardian blaring out loudly, "Revealed: UN in secret peace talks with the Taliban". Earlier we heard people saying that the Taliban must be paid off, to split the more radical elements off of it. Does this not sound ludicrous? Who would have imagined in 2003 that British or American officials would officially ponder negotiations with the Taleban? What has been accomplished in nine years there apart from untold death and destruction? The answer is - absolutely nothing.

What could possibly explain Hamid Karzai's recent visit to Britain and his photo-op with Gordon Brown on the BBC's Hardtalk? Has he come to plead with Britain not to withdraw? Perhaps to convey a message from the Taleban? Everyday we hear stories of British soldiers, many of them boys more than men, being blown to pieces in Afghanistan. The newspapers carry a short, one line quote from their commanding officers. It is almost predictable, "so on and so forth, they will never be forgotten, etc, etc". Nobody even bothers reading these stories as they trickle in, in fact living in London you wouldn't even think that British soldiers are fighting anywhere, it is simply not the concern of the average person here. And this is intentionally cultivated.

Over the past few months a concerted media campaign has been showing stories of what its like for "the boys" over there. I speculated a few weeks ago about whether they were gearing up for a withdrawal. This reality is now closer than ever. The Afghan war is ending, and whilst nobody will admit it, the Taliban have won.

.

There seems to be a kind of assumption that if you are a "practicing" Muslim then you become a different person from who you were before. For Muslims on a popular level, the impression is that somehow you are transformed from some kind of lascivious, perverted, loose monkey into a saintly, glowing and pure human being. For some reason, now, you can do no wrong as a divinely guided being and if you do it is because you did not follow the heavenly ordination to the letter. For non-Muslims, the transformation is one of horror. You become some kind of brainwashed fanatic who hates women, can't understand science and hates seeing people have a good time. Your life, as they see it, is practically over.

Between these two positions I find myself constantly having to explain myself or overcome assumptions and stereotypes before anybody even asks me why I think of something the way I do or who I am. This can be so tiring, especially in relationships. All I want to do is carry out my five pillars in peace, stop trying to put me in a box with a label on it.

.

Just look at this joker, honestly. Apparently the Saudis are saying the Houthis are associated with al Qaeda (or al Kayda) as they are known in the United States.

.

The Arab world: Sexual Harassment = Sexual Frustration? No...

Just over a year ago there were a spate of articles concerning the alarming levels of sexual harassment in the Arab world, particularly in Egypt. At the same time, we find an increasing number of women choosing to wear the hejab in order to "protect themselves". To me it seems that the Arab world is polarising between deep religiosity or a complete lack of inhibitions and the discussion about what is to be done is no less divided. I find religious people telling me this is all because we have abandoned Islam, that if we held on to it, all of our problems will disappear. On the other end, I find the secular "Imam's" of our time who advocate a complete end to censorship in any form and the abolishing of religious influence on society or politics in any way. The line of argument seems to be that religion and sexual frustration are intertwined, and that if you take away the former, then people will adopt a more enlightened and relaxed attitude to sex which will do away with sexual harassment.

I don't subscribe to either view. I think that marriage has been institutionalised and formalised in a way that it wasn't with the early Muslims. This makes it extremely difficult for the average Abdullah, driving a micro-bus, after having graduated with an engineering degree, to marry, or for the average Salma to meet anybody and marry them because of the siege mentality imposed by families with daughters today - well, the ones that still care about these things at least. Marriage becomes unattainable, so people are expected to wait out their twenties till they have a successful business or job, a house, car and then they can crown the cake with the cherry on top, the obedient wife who will help him form a family.

That's just stupid. The Arab middle and upper classes have imported aspects of the American dream - the fully furnished house, car and 9 to 5 job, and merged it with Arab traditionalism and over the top formalities, to create this kind of ridiculous sideshow of faux-pageantry and "Dallas" style drama into a fairytale landscape which is actually a nightmare. Those unable to wait long enough become nihilistic and bitter. The men have their secret pornography collections or a discreet selection of "flats" in parts of the city which they can visit, then insist on marrying a virgin, whilst women fall into the cycle of having a stream of boyfriends, but then not getting married because they are not virgins. The fairytale crumbles.

But how does this explain sexual harassment? Like I said, I do not believe that either of the two solutions proposed above has ever been the answer. In fact, I don't think anybody has ever openly discussed what the real problem is. We are ruled by dictators who have crushed any and all forms of expression beyond the absolutely trivial. They use religion with one hand, and secularism with the other, to keep people angrily pointing fingers at each other.

The "sultan's" religion is used to pronounce outrageous fatwa's which in one way legitimate the rulers, and in the other, keep people obsessed with trivia - see the fatwa ordering the killing of Mickey Mouse, the fatwa about allowing a man to work alone with a woman in an office if he is breastfed by her and so on. There was even a fatwa about how prayer obligations can be met in space.

The secular stick is used to provide modern entertainment and culture. The ONLY form of censorship in the Middle East is political. You can get all the pornography you wish for, all the sex that you'd like, all the drugs or alcohol that you want, through the correct channels, just conveniently out of the way in order not to form a contradiction with the religious arm, but not so out of reach as to make them unattainable out of any genuine interest for the people's welfare.

Notice that this pornographication of Arab society began most earnestly in the last ten years or so. An explosion of media channels, the internet and the pirate DVD market exploded onto the scene in a cacophony of choice. The media drive has been mostly Saudi funded, managed and maintained. See the atrocious media network of someone like Walid Bin Talal (now yesterday's man due to the global recession, but still filthy rich) which caters for imbeciles who consider themselves celebrities. In one interview, I saw a man genuinely say that if the body is not freed then the mind can never be free. Wow, that's two thousand years of human philosophy thrown out of the window. In this view of society, to be daring is to be sexually explicit or promiscuous. You should just be 'yourself' and not care about anybody else. That's called "daring", جريء in Arabic.

In a sexual battle of titanic proportions that would make Michel Foucauld proud, the Arab world has merged Victorian values with Islamic excess into a pressure cooker. Like cockroaches in a shaken bottle, we scuttle around confused in a flurry of eroticism, sexual frustration and guilt. We must break this bottle and break the hand that shakes it.

.

The redemption of America continues under Obama with the Haiti PR exercise, Guantanamo is now to be used to house refugees. Never will the United States be seen to exercise its power so directly as it did during the Bush era. That is unfortunate.

.

From Malaysia

I realised something about myself today, I've never run away from my problems. That's why I'm still here and you are all somewhere else.

وما تدري نفس ماذا تكسب غدا وما تدري نفس باي ارض تموت

One does not know what is in store for tomorrow
and one does not know in which land they will die

.

I am Yousef and this is my brother

This evening I went to watch the play "I am Yousef and this is my brother" performed at the Young Vic in Southwark by "Shibr Hur". It was nice but I think I was in a restless mood and probably didn't give the show all the attention it deserved. The co-star of "yousef" was the lead actor in the film Paradise Now, as were a number of the cast. One thing which annoyed me, not that I needed it, was that the subtitling which was being projected above was sloppy and people who didn't speak Arabic wouldn't have fully understood all that was happening. I enjoyed some of the subtleties in the plot and there were some quite emotional scenes especially near the end.I also thought there was a bit too much water splashing around on stage and wasn't really sure what effect it had, apart from creating a mess. Overall these guys made a good effort with the limited resources they had and they deserved the applause for all their hard work.

Afterwards, we met with the director, screenwriter and actors in a small private function room. They are all from the Arabs of '48 and mostly from Galilee if I wasn't mistaken, they seemed to be nice people. In a quirky way, I still find it a novelty when I meet Arabs who actually live in the Israeli state, it is like they are from another planet, which they might as well be, cut off from even each other within occupied Palestine. I hope they come back to London next year.

.

Kabul under attack...

The latest attack against Kabul is the starkest reminder, if any was needed, that the war in Afghanistan is going extremely badly for the Americans and their allies. This is a far cry from the Tet offensive that took place in Viet Nam, and we may not see an American Dien Bien Phu, but mark my words, we will see scenes reminiscent of the fall of Saigon very soon and not just in Kabul but also in Baghdad.

.

Is one man really worth two women in Islam?

One of my readers posted a valid question about some legislation that is in Syria stipulating that two women are required for a testimony to be accepted in the place of one man. The summary of what I am saying is that this is no longer necessary, and that to do so is not a contradiction of Islam if we extract the correct rationale behind the Qur'an's stipulating that it be so. I am not an authority on the matter, and if I find a more convincing reason than my arguments then I'll accept it, but my search has not yielded anything convincing. Below is my response:

Saint,

The matter of requiring two women in place of one man for witnessing the signing of legal documents has as its origins Islamic law. At first glance it seems odd from a modern perspective that two women are needed whilst only one man's testimony will suffice. There is the uncomfortable implication that the woman is somehow less important than the man, or is only half the moral worth of a man. This can be a difficult situation for someone to justify, so what is the justification used for it apart from the well known Qur'anic stipulation?

Well the basis for this stipulation is taken from inheritance law. Whilst a man is under an explicit duty to provide for his female relations, the woman is under no such duty. When the inheritance is to be distributed, it is to assist the male in providing for these relations. The female has no obligation to spend her inheritance on anybody but herself. Contrary to popular Muslim belief, this does not mean that the man should exercise dominance over the woman. In fact, far from being an advantage, it should in reality be a burden, and a proper Islamic court would be much more sympathetic to the woman than the man who falls short of his obligation, in order to maintain equity between the two. The economic stipulation imposes a duty and not a discretion, and the duty requires economic support, without any reciprocal gratitude, obligation or obedience required by the wife, mother, sister or daughter. It is important to note this often misused inheritance clause which is given as an excuse for misogyny and male dominance. The legal position is clear but there is a lack of executive will to make this happen because there is no independent judicial system in the Arab world to ensure this happens.

Now, how does this relate to the case of witnessing a document? We still are not told why two women are required for testimony whilst only one man will do. Well firstly, is it any man whose testimony should really matter? I am not familiar with the precise legal text in Syria's case, but in Islam, which I am taking to be the basis for this curious legislation, the one man should be Muslim, and a man whose testimony is respected amongst his peers, with a sound repute. They must also be free men and of sound mind and independent judgement. So far so good, this is similar to Western legal requirements for an acceptable testimony in a court or tribunal.

The same requirements are needed for women, but again, why two instead of one? I had a brief search on Islamic sites on the internet and found the answers to be mostly ridiculous, unconvincing and based on assumptions and generalisations which are actually quite insulting. The only reason I could find in the Qur'an or by consulting friends who know more than I do is that at the time Islam first spread the world was much more patriarchal than it is today, but the reasons for requiring two women are similar to those behind the inheritance laws, but with a different justification. Where in inheritance it was to impose an obligation upon men to look after their female relations when required to do so, in testimony the most important factor is truth, and the safeguarding of truth. If we accept the same requirements for a man testifying as we do for a man inheriting, and we see that the requirements for a man's testimony to be accepted are that they be Muslim, free, independent and of sound judgement, we obtain the criteria for what an acceptable witness should be. When the Qur'an stipulated that two women were required in the place of one man, it is not because Allah means they are mentally deficient to men, or of less moral worth, but that it could not be taken for granted that a woman would not be influenced by her husband, father or brother, either due to economic or direct physical coercion. There is an interesting example we can draw upon, which is when the Prophet Muhammad would send letters to the Roman and Persian kings, the letter would state "Become Muslim and you will be saved, Allah will give you two rewards". By two rewards it is implied that the first is for themselves as human beings, the second reward is because they had a responsibility to the people in their empires, who would be more likely to become Muslim.

The rationale we can extract from this is that under a system of obligations and duties, there were situations which required the testimony of two women rather than one. Today, this requirement does not necessarily have to hold if it can be proven that the person is independently making the judgement and is of sound character, this does not need to contradict the Qur'an or its assumptions.

We must remember that human society has only really accepted complete sexual equality in the last 100 or so years, but it is known that in times of civil war, strife and general societal breakdown that females are more vulnerable to exploitation than men. There is no reason to believe that the Qur'anic passage is no longer relevant, so whilst an exception to the rule can exist without compromising Islamic values, there is no danger that the exception can swallow the general rule.

Sorry for the long post, but I thought I'd clarify this quite sticky topic with a genuine and honest response that is a)not insulting to the intellect or to women, and b) to provide a response to people ignorant enough to think such a stipulation is part of a perceived misogyny allegedly inherent in Islam.

Salam

.

Lina Sinjab's Syria

Sigh...Lina Sinjab but this time on women in Syria. I'm thinking of having a label on this blog specifically for Lina Sinjab. Her articles truly amuse me, especially that there are so few Syrians who write professionally about the country for a prominent news outlet such as the BBC.

In her article, notice how bars are filled with "liberal-minded" Damascenes. The word liberal is by itself an adjective which means good, or open minded. There is no politics in Syria, only the archaic equation that barra, "outside" (as in the West) automatically equates to enlightenment, civilization and open-mindedness.

Lina begins her article with a fluffy image of all the ripe promise that Damascus can be one day, then we descend into the darkness of arranged marriages, conservative Syria and a stifling tradition. She describes what is actually a typical Syrian wedding, in all its happiness and quirkiness, as something sinister and dark. Since when Ms. Sinjab, has it been odd or demeaning that single women in weddings will try to attract attention to themselves, or is it only alright for that to happen in America because you saw it on a "rom-com" but not because they are Arabs or Muslims?

Later in the article, we look at what it is that Ms. Sinjab really admires, " Dressed in jeans and tight trendy tops, with modern hairstyles, they chat, swapping details of their busy lives." These are the two rebels that Lina portrays as the hope for her vision of Syria.

These two women, it is implied, are liberated, strong and independent. Also implied is that Syrian men are weak because they cannot handle this, because they are insecure. Now this theme is quite popular in British or American news columns which like to portray Arab men as weak and so in need of "dominating" their women. The Western man wants to sleep with the Eastern woman, but in this article, we are now shown a female that has internalised that logic so that the Eastern man is no good for her, she wants the open minded Western, or Westernised Arab [read castrated], man to come and sleep with her. Then notice the cigarette, the "torch of freedom", that the strong, independent lawyer lights up with. Edward Bernays would be proud. This is not sinister at all for Ms. Sinjab. In fact it is something which we should find admirable.

I would love nothing more than someone like the woman she described to bring up my kids in a beautiful Americana la-la land away from those ugly un-photogenic Syrian people who have morals or principles, or who might pray, or who speak that funny language that's written in strange squiggles from right to left. I'd love to have my kids be that liberal-minded.

For Lina Sinjab, the modern Syrian woman is loud, assertive, independent and sexually liberated. She has her own penis (cigarettes) like the man, and is fighting for her place in Syrian society. Truly a bold vision. Of course any woman who is not like that is cowed by her family and tradition, a second class citizen with no voice or aspiration. Apparently the hejab covers a woman's brain and not just her hair.

Having said all this, I know there are problems in Syria, and that tradition is stifling, but I refuse to allow somebody like Lina Sinjab to speak for these issues. Syria's nouveau rich of the past forty years have produced a generation of "Ataturkized" young professionals, much like Ms Sinjab and, if you are unfortunate to read his articles, Dr Sami Moubayad. What they don't realise is that they are in a painful minority. It is only their money and connections which make them think they are the centre of their own world. Lina's articles are ideological, and that is why I constantly criticise her. As one of the rare outlets for Syria in English, she should know better.

.

•°• المعلقات الجاهلية ~ عـمـرو بن كـلـثــوم •°•

.

الإسلاميون- مصر وسوريا والجزائر

.

Art meets resistance

Fantastic picture I got from Amal-Saad Ghorayeb, who I'm sure got it from somewhere else. It is now adorning one of my walls in full A4 colour glory.

أرضكم أرضنا .. دمكم دمنا .. قدسكم قدسنا .. أبناؤكم أبناؤنا. واننا على موعد مع الصبح !! أليس الصبح بقريب ؟

"Your land is our land, your blood is our blood, your sons are our sons and we are awaiting the dawn, is not the dawn drawing near?"

Sayid Hassan Nasrallah

.

Israel/Palestine: Aspects of a Prolonged Occupation

This lecture in international law caught my attention, I'm going to try to leave my Tort lecture early on the day and attended this. Hosted by the UCL Faculty of Laws & the British Branch of the International Law Association. It was promising that they use the word "occupation". If I make it there I will post my thoughts on it when I get back.

.

The Jordanian fiasco

The operation which struck against the CIA is now a major embarrassment for the Jordanian and American intelligence services. Especially since the war in Afghanistan is now going so badly. This is a very, very, big deal, especially with the Obama administration carefully cultivating an image of an al Qaeda on the run. The reality appears to be something completely the opposite. The al Qaeda franchise has spawned some quite ridiculous offshoots which perhaps helped to cultivate this air that somehow the group was being gradually destroyed, but every now and then some completely unexpected and novel attack is carried out apparently out of the blue. This is the hallmark of al Qaeda attacks more than anything else, a signature of sorts. Amidst all the confusion of the so-called "war on terror", this group still seems able to strike America where it hurts. This is all very surreal to watch, like a James Bond film. A shadowy organisation holds the world to ransom with what are almost unthinkable plots whilst the leaders of the world's great nations appear powerless to stop it. Is this all the result of one man's mind, or many?

.

Masar - The best of Le Trio Joubran

.

Serene..

From United Kingdom 2009-10

.

New photos taken during a visit to meet my good friend Qunfuz and his wonderful family in Scotland - December 2009, as well as the snow in London 2010.

.

And the angels wept...

When the unthinkable, the horrific, the unimaginable happens. How are we supposed to take it? When I was a child I would annoy my father by asking him how much a human life is worth. Was it $100, $1000, or $1000,000? He had trouble trying to explain to me that there were some things which were "invaluable", yet at the same time they can vanish as if they were meaningless. The sky will not weep, the world will not stop revolving for them. The greatest love story that never was, the death of the valiant hero before he could make a difference, the deliberate starving of a people in a world full of food, or the corrupting of a person morality. We can feel this loss brutally in our chests, this loss of something so valuable that nothing can compensate for it.

About 8 years ago I worked with a 17 year old work experience girl called Nicola. She was a bubbly, cheerful and completely mad girl whom everybody loved in the office. A mixed-race girl, she had grown up in Britain's evil council estate system, the product of a broken home, yet determined to make something of herself. I remember we took her to lunch once and bought her a steak lunch. She wrinkled her nose and said the meat tasted funny, that it didn't taste like McDonald's. We laughed at her innocence and told her this was real meat, not the processed rubbish she had been used to. One night Nicola finished her work as she always did, she waved at me, cheerfully telling me to have a good evening. The next morning we got a call that she was dead. Stabbed in a pointless and stupid dispute. I bottled up my emotions and went to the lavatories, where the tears streamed down my cheeks. At that moment, in that grief, I felt I would have given absolutely anything to bring her back again. Anything. But there was nothing I could give that would bring her back, it was over. The world did not stop revolving, the seasons came and went, and Nicola's ashes are long scattered or perhaps in an urn somewhere.

The ancient Greeks were infatuated with tragedy, with this idea of finality and loss. The early Muslims also experienced this, when they listened to the Qur'an and cried when reminded of their mortality, of their judgement, or of the profoundness and wisdom in timeless justice. Life carries on, and there will be more tragedy, but the lesson we must remember is that tragedy imparts wisdom on us. Through tragedy we grow as people, as human beings. If we lived our lives only for fun, only for pleasure, or in song, what good does that do for our souls? No, we must have winter just as we must have summer. Only when we accept both equally will we find peace.

.

The view from my window this morning. Apparently it will get worse this afternoon!

.

Falling from grace and yearning for Eden

Feeling more exhausted than usual today. I think these past two winters have been the coldest, darkest and harshest that I've experienced in my life. The fatigue that is enveloping London with every thick snowfall is a mirror to the immense weight that I feel I have been dragging around with me wherever I go. This fatigue can't just be from the intense study load we have on this law course, it is a genuine exhaustion. My first reaction is to book a flight somewhere exotic and far away, to walk away from things for a while, but running away temporarily from reality is probably worse than facing its misfortunes and harshness. I'm trying so hard to be a good man but seems like even that is too much to hope for these days...

Still, I have much to be grateful for, something I am constantly reminded of by the amazing people I have the good fortune of meeting everyday. There are some burdens that can only be carried by ourselves, alone, but it helps to know that we are not the only ones facing an uphill struggle every day. When I read about people in Gaza and what they must be going through my life gets put in perspective. My faith keeps me going, offering me sustenance now more than ever. In fact since February 2009 an intense searching took place within me, something which alienated those who cared about me as my exterior cooled into numbness. What is this "I" that longs and experiences and wishes for so much? The more we delve into trying to understand it, and its relationship with the world, the more it seems like the "I", us, is a prisoner of something. Constantly it is assualted from every angle, enticed, bullied, threatened and seduced. This makes it act in ways that might seem ludicrous. For example, the Prophet was once asked what advice he can give a Muslim. He said, "Don't get angry". He said that three times. Today, I can honestly say that a big part of the burden I carry was because I was angry. Actually it was more like a slow burning rage. But once that consumes everything around you, what is left for you? The answer is nothing. All that remains is one big mess, a jumble of regret and something broken that might never be fixed.

I prayed today and reviewed this past year. It hit me then as I wondered about anger how easily I was misled. I thought I was strong, that I was right, but it took one small decision to transform everything. The fall from heaven to earth, banishment from the garden of Eden. Hardship. It is like an evil one has enticed me, lured me with false promise and then laughed as I became trapped in my own folly. Perhaps this is what we as human beings need in order to learn, to know what it feels like to need Allah. To realise that we cannot make it on our own. I cried silently as I finished my dua, asking that I find my way. A wave of calm slowly spread through my body, starting from my chest, always the chest, and I decided to go to bed early rather than try to study whilst feeling this tired.

Somebody asked me today if I had any New Year's resolutions. I think if there is one it will be to not get angry, and to forgive more, for we are all so deeply flawed.

.

أنشودة بكتب اسمك يا بلادي على الشمس اللي ما بتغيب انشاد ابو عاصم

Too many people I hold absolutely no respect for worship the Palestinian cause. For the past year I have let that affect my feelings towards the Palestinian cause, to the point of cynicism. This stops from now.

Beautiful song by Joseph Azar - dedicated today to the people of Gaza and to all who resist occupation.

.

The eighth man killed with the seven CIA agents in Afghanistan was a member of Jordanian intelligence, al Sherif Ali Bin Zeid. Not that we need reminders of Jordanian collusion with the West, their own King is a traitor.

.

As I was coming out of the underground this morning I saw an old man, a crackpot. He was standing there silently holding a sign with both his arms above his head saying "Sinners!". People walked past him indifferently. He stayed standing there indifferently.

.

The Heavenly Shepherd...

When I was eight years old I would spend many balmy hot summer nights in Cyprus staring out of the window of my room. In the eighties Cyprus was a quiet sleepy place and the stars were always visible on a good night. One set of stars caught my imagination, its outline strangely reminded me of those big imperial space ships from Star Wars. Later I was to discover that this was the Orion constellation, crowned with the three beautiful stars of "Orion's belt". Since that night, many years ago, I have looked up and noticed that constellation several times, each time at a different phase of my life. It is like an old friend with whom I can reminisce and update on what has happened. The ancient Babylonian's called it "The Heavenly Shepherd", and in a way I can see why, for it has been a reference point for me throughout the years.

This evening I went downstairs to have a drink of water. Peering out into the unusually clear night sky through the kitchen window I saw my long forgotten friend, The Heavenly Shepherd, glowing as brightly as he has ever been. I felt my life flash past my eyes. I remembered people, places, memories. You know, we are but specks of dust in the universe colliding and meeting for only fleeting instants and then perhaps never to meet again. For those brief instants I am no longer sad, but grateful...

Ya Allah...

.

If you mis-type http://maysaloon.blogspot.com as http://maysaloon.blogpsot.com/ you get redirected to a messianic Christian Zionist website. Hilarious.

.

Where is the truth?

It is not that there should be no injustice in the world, in fact there always will be, but that it is beyond any kind of balance. I find myself, in examining what is happening in the world, struggling to avoid slipping into the "left" and "right" discourse of Western politics. How should I see what is happening? How should I react? I feel torn, angry and confused. I'm not a leftist anymore, not since years. Fascism is a Western problem, it isn't my problem. My problem is the "West" this vague label I've attached to a collection of ideologies and ideologues who draw their inspiration from this myth called Western civilisation, the past three hundred years of European and North American history, right up until the Greeks. Their ideas have stripped me of my history, my Arabism and my religion. They've denied me the right to an opinion by shaping what options I'm supposed to opine with. It's like if I choose to be a Muslim then all I'm left with is f*cking Bin Laden.

The people who beat Hitler and fought the fascists convince the world through their movies and books that they are the good guys. But they have oppressed Latin America, destroyed the Arab and Islamic world, and caused untold damages throughout Asia. They are supporting Israel and occupying Iraq and Afghanistan. The good leftist cause in the forties was to support the creation of the Israeli state. Now apparently they support Palestine, but they support a Palestine that is liberated according to their ideology, not according to what real Arab Muslims and Christians would want it to be. Basically I want my g*d-damn identity back. In fact I never had it, it was stolen from me before I could ever receive it.

The Arab world is a mess, our leadership is pathetic, the Islamic world is in even worse shape. The poor are being stamped into the ground and the only people saying anything or doing anything are the people whose ideologies have colonised us in the first place and whose help we don't want, at least in my case. We have a saying in Arabic....

و آخرتها بقى؟؟

.

A dream

One day I will buy a piece of land back home in Syria. I will work hard on it and plant orchards with peach, plum, apple, olive and fig trees. There will be a simple bungalow on it, with a place for people to sit in the evenings. There will be jasmine and roses, and a small water fountain to trickle in the background, and where we can put a watermelon to cool whilst we drink tea and talk or sing. There would be a daughter, I will call her Layla, and I will carry her on my shoulders through the orchards and pluck her one of the peaches or plums, telling her stories of what her daddy has seen and learnt in his life. I'll make sure she wears a hat because the sun might be beating strongly.

.

Feeling tired...

A beautiful song by Fairouz...it makes me think of home, of loved ones we have lost, and of nights when sleep came much more easily.

.

The Azhar has announced that is permissable for Egypt to protect it's "sovereignty" by building a steel wall on its border with Gaza.

You motherf*ckers. Be men once, just once, in your lives...

.