On days like this I feel the least optimistic about Syria. It comes and goes, but a feeling of disenchantment with the existing regime and the awful opposition threaten to overwhelm me at times. Where is this all going? What is to be done to get the country out of this mess? Nobody can give me a satisfactory answer. This regime has to go, but rather than do the honourable thing and reform it has, from the start, embarked on a programme of killing and repression that has shocked me. Many Syrian friends of mine no longer recognise this country they once called home. So many of us thought that the bad old days were behind us, that Syria was genuinely on the road to becoming a real country. It turns out that we were all horribly mistaken. I just hope that our optimism for overthrowing this brutal regime isn't as misguided and doesn't lead the country into an even deeper abyss.